Happy Relationships Throw More Parties

When I have my own family, I said to myself that I would not do the things that my parents did which I think hurt me and mold me like this. I think the saying, "A mango tree would bear a mango fruit but a banana tree can never have a mango fruit." (I am not sure if those were the exact words for that saying but I think the thought is there.). Lucky for me, I am not a fruit, I to choose whom I want to be. I told myself that my children would be happier and more responsible persons.

I am thanking Mr. Bo Sanchez for helping me to be a good wife, mother, and daughter. I have just subscribed to His soulfood newsletter last month but I can say that he has a big impact in my life. His stories continues to inspire me. Since I read his articles, my life has , (seriously!). Thank you Mr. Bo! May you continue to ispire other people. By the way, here is Mr. Bo's site: http://www.bosanchez.ph.

Below is one of stories that really inspired me.

Happy Relationships Throw More Parties
Guy 1: Cecilia is so beautiful.

Guy 2: Oh yes. She looks like Demi Moore in Ghost. (Note: This conversation happened centuries ago.)

Guy 1: If given a chance, would you want to marry her?

Guy 2: Uh….no, not really.

Guy 1: Why not?

Guy 2: How should I put it? Cecilia’s uh…not a happy person.

Guy 1: You noticed that too?

Guy 2: She’s gloomy. She’s a negative person. She may be beautiful, but I don’t want to live with a negative person for the rest of my life.

Guy 1: So unlike Stella.

Guy 2: Now there’s a cheerful girl. I really like her. So kind. So friendly. Always has a lovely smile.

Guy 1: She’s not as beautiful as Demi Moore.

Guy 2: But she’s the kind of woman I’ll marry.

Guy 1: What? You have a crush on her too?

Guy 2: Hey, fall in line bro.

This conversation actually happened some twenty years ago between two of my single friends. In fact, we were all single. And believe me, Stella was like a guy magnet. Five of my friends had a crush on her.

Except for me, of course. I was immune to crushes. Because I looked at all females the way I looked at common furniture. Because my heart was focused on God alone. (And my nose is getting longer right this minute…)

Here’s a lesson for single people: I’ve learned that guys may lust after physical beauty, but when it comes to marriage, they’ll look deeper. One of the most important things they’ll look for is a happy woman.

Why? Because a guy knows that one of his roles is to make his wife happy. If he marries a happy woman, his job will be so much easier.

Because at the end of the day, we all want happiness.

Are Your Homes Happy?

After one of my talks, a very anxious mother approached me and asked, “Bo, can you help me? I have a problem with my 18-year old daughter. She’s like a bed spacer in our house. She goes home only to sleep. She’s always with her friends…”

I had very little time to talk to her, so I took my best shot. I asked her, “Is there happiness at home?”

Here’s my belief. I believe kids will love to go home if there’s love in the home.

Have you heard that great old song from 1964? (For your information, I didn’t hear the original version. I heard this song in a revival in American Idol.)

A chair is still a chair even when there’s no one sitting there. But a chair is not a house, and a house is not a home, when there’s no one there, to hold you tight, and no one there, that you can kiss good night…

Friend, is there happiness in your home?

I’ve noticed that the happiest relationships have a rhythm of celebration. In other words, they throw parties.

I don’t mean a party with balloons and clowns (though that’ll be great too), but putting a “party spirit” in your relationship.

I’ve got four fantastic suggestions.

1. Make The Family Meal A Party

I know of a man who has 11 children.

When he goes home from work, he does a very important ritual before entering his front door. He mentally unloads all his problems at the front porch. Because his kids need a happy Dad.

When he enters the door, he shouts, “Hi kids!” And 11 kids rush to him to give him a hug. He then wrestles them on the floor and they play together.

And when mealtime comes, he makes everyone laugh. He inspires everyone with his stories.

Alas, the typical family meal isn’t like this.

Jack And Jill Went Up The Hill

The typical family meal is where parents hold court and pass judgments and vent anger

Let me give you an example.

The father turns to his eldest son, Jack, and asks, “Pass the rice. By the way, how was your exam this morning?” He doesn’t allow him to answer. He answers for him, “I won’t be surprised if you got a zero. Because I don’t see you studying. The good news is that we can save money because we can sell your schoolbooks next year as brand new!”

He then turns to his daughter, Jill, (You know, Jack and Jill…) “Pass the gravy. By the way, where were you last night? With your ugly boyfriend again? Can you tell me what planet he comes from? I can accept earrings in the ear. But why does he have earrings on his nose? Is he a cow?”

He then turns to his youngest daughter, Hill. (You know, Jack and Jill went up the hill…) “Pass the salt. And you, were you born with a telephone in your hand? You already were with your obnoxious friends in school, why do you have to spend three more hours talking with them on the phone?”

And finally, it’s the youngest son’s turn, Pail. (Okay, they really like this Nursery Rhyme.) “Pass the cake. And you, what did you do today aside from wasting your time playing those crappy video games! And are you deaf? Your music is either very loud or extremely loud. Go to the doctor and have your ears checked!”

No wonder the family meal is an endangered species.

Parents, please. Make your meals happy!

Here’s a rule you should write on stone: Ban all sermons when you’re around the table. Instead, feed your children with dishes of laughter, platefuls of inspiration, and trays of encouragement. Make every family meal a joyful occasion.

2. Hold A Family Night Each Week

My kids love Family nights.

If they had it their way, it’ll be done every night.

Sometimes, we watch a movie at home, with a barrel of popcorn. (According to my son Benedict, a movie without popcorn is a horrific crime.)

Sometimes, we play games together. Monopoly, Charades, Pictionary, and Trivia.

Sometimes, we all play video games together. Obviously, the kids always win and the parents lose. But that’s okay. Instead of banning video games from our kids, we enter into their digital worlds. Doing so makes us able to guide them against violent games.

Sometimes, we go to a bookstore and eat ice cream.

I believe the weekly Family Night is a mini-party that you should never miss. Believe me, when you’re old and grey (or old and bald), you’ll look back at these times and thank God you had them!

3. Weekly Dates With Each Family Member

I date my wife each week.

I consider that a mini-party too.

Years ago, we had very little money.

So we had dates in our garage.

Sometimes, we took a quiet walk in our neighborhood.

One day, I thought of something crazy. We ate at home, dressed up really well, and went to a 5-Star hotel. We entered the hotel like we were millionaires. No one knew we had very little money in our pockets. And confidently, I ordered a glass of Coke. And for 2 solid hours, we enjoyed the violin music and beautiful ambiance—all the while sipping our Coke very slowly.

I date my kids each week, too. Those are mini-parties. Sometimes, it’s just donuts. Other times, we walk around a mall. Other times, we play a game together. The key is to make it fun.

I also date my mother every other week. This is such a simple thing, but it means the world to her.

I have regular dates with my friends, too. Our spiritual community, Light of Jesus, is organized around small groups called Caring Groups that meet weekly. Amazingly, I have four Caring Groups, so my weeks are pretty busy having fun times with my many friends.

One last suggestion…

4. Annual Family Celebrations

Create your own Family’s “Liturgical Calendar”.

Sit down and block off the most important dates of the year.

For example, plan everyone’s birthdays.

Many times, it’s very spontaneous. “Oh, it’s your birthday today? Let’s have dinner…” So why not plan a bit more? Go camping in the backyard, or visit an orphanage, or invite your child’s friends for a sleepover, or go out and have a mini-vacation together.

Mark off also your wedding anniversary, Valentines, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and Grandparents’ Day.

One Valentine’s Day, I did something I cherish to this day. I set up two chairs and a little wooden table in our backyard. I scattered candles all over the grass, dressed in a coat and tie, and brought out my CD player to play Kenny G romantic music. I then ordered pizza. Finally, I got my guitar and sang an original song I wrote for her that day…

Ikaw ang awit ng buhay, Ang tinig ng langit

Ikaw ang himig at kulay, Ng pusong nagmamahal sa iyo

Refrain:

Biyayang galing sa taas, Anghel sa lupa’y naglalakad

Ikaw ang awit ng puso ko…

That happened a long time ago, but I still remember my wife’s tears that special night.

— 0 —

Look at the big Feasts of your faith—Christmas, Easter, Pentecost, etc. Example: During the entire Advent season, we light the Advent wreath as a family for 4 weeks straight before Christmas.

Other important days: First day in school. Last day in school. Graduation. First Job of the new Graduate. It could be Jimbo, the pet dog, giving birth to four puppies.

Hey, if there’s a reason to celebrate, throw a party!

3 Ingredients For Throwing Parties



Let me share three things to make these parties work.



Ingredient #1:

Gratitude

Someone might say, “But Bo, I’m a melancholic person. I’m not like you. I’m the loner and shy type. I really don’t like these party-spirit thing.”

Excuse me, but I’m melancholic too.

Every psychological test I’ve taken confirms without a shadow of a doubt that I’m melancholic. Remember that there are 4 personality types: Melancholic (that’s me), Sanguine (Bubbly, cheerful types), Choleric (Those with cholera), and Phlegmatic (Those with lots of phlegm).

I love being alone. I’d rather be quiet than talk. (Honest!) But I had to adjust. I had to do things that weren’t natural to my personality.

Here’s the truth: Celebrating your relationships doesn’t depend on having a bubbly or cheerful personality. It depends on your depth of gratitude.

You throw a party because you’re grateful to the person for being there in your life.

If you believe that the people in your life are your greatest gifts from God, then you throw parties often to thank them.

Even if we know it’s a lot of hard work.

Ingredient #2:

Hard Work

Have you ever prepared for a birthday party before?

It’s always hard work.

But who said love isn’t hard work? As I said before, love is about dirty hands, not just beating hearts.

Finally, the third ingredient is very important too.



Ingredient #3:

Creativity

Throwing parties requires some creativity.

Do you want to be more creative?

Copy. Get inspiration from others. It’s the secret of the greatest artists in the world: Leonardo de Vinci, Michelangelo, Picasso, Rembrandt, Bo Sanchez, etc…

You don’t know how to express your love in a playful way?

Ask others what they do. Do some research.

Through the years, I’ve given many cards to my wife. Let me share with you two of them today. You’ll notice that I’m not very original. I stole all these from various sources…

Card #1

I framed this card. I basically got the text from an email I received. Probably Spam. Not much originality. But she loved it so much, it’s still on her bedside table after all these years.

My Dearest Valentine,

You are the… apple of my eye, mango of my pie, palaman of my tinapay, keso of my monay, teeth of my suklay, fingers on my kamay, blood in my atay, sala of my bahay, foundation of my tulay, seeds of my palay, best clothes in my ukay-ukay, calcium in my kalansay, calamansi on my siomai, knot on my tie, toyo on my kuchay, vitamins in my gulay, stars of my sky, sand of my Boracay, beauty of my Brunei, highlands of my Tagaytay, mole on my Ate Guy, baba of my Ai-Ai, spinach of my Popeye, sizzle when I fry, wind when I paypay, tungkod when I’m pilay, feeling when I’m high, shoulder when I cry, wings when I fly, prize when I vie, cure to my “ARAY!”, my honey even after I die…

From your one and only,

HAPPY VALENTAY!

Card #2

Here’s my final example.

Again, I stole the photos from the internet too, but I edited the text to fit my purpose.

A PSYCHOLOGY TEST TO MEASURE LOVE


It has already been proven that someone in love has a keener sense of observation. His mind is more alert, his perception more accurate. Doctors suggest that this is so because heightened emotions of love cause blood circulation to flow more freely in the right hemisphere of the brain. Today, you will be shown a photo of two almost identical dolphins. Here’s the test: You can now measure whether a person is in love by the number of slight differences he sees between the two dolphins. The more differences you see, the more in love you are. Turn this paper now and count the many differences you can see between the two dolphins—and find out how in love you really are…




(By the way, I took the test and realized how insanely I’m in love with you. Love, your husband.)

Let me end with the story of prodigal son.

When the “bad” son came home, his father threw a party. The son wanted to beg for forgiveness, but the father wasn’t even listening. Instead, he said, ‘Hurry! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and shoes on his feet. Then go and get the prize calf and kill it, and let us celebrate with a feast!

God loves parties.

And God loves to throw a party to people who don’t deserve a party. If you’re reading this, thinking of your sins, wondering if God still loves you, let tell you: God is throwing a party of love for you right now. He loves you more than you can imagine.

Receive His love today.

And learn to throw more parties in your life.

Your relationships need them badly.

May your dreams come true.

RA 6552, Realty Installment Buyers Protection Act (Maceda Law)

I was little overwhelmed of the phone call I received yesterday. Someone called us from LPHI, which was an Ayala Land Corp. to inform us that our property was already for cancellation.

My ex-boyfriend who is my husband now and I bought a property in Sto. Tomas Batangas five years ago. It was nestled at the foot of Mount Makiling.
At first, we were not really interested in buying, but the agent who sold the property was very persistent for us to have a trip on the property. So, we scheduled one and when we saw the vicinity, Viola! We did not want to leave the place without having a reservation. The place was very beautiful and during that time, it was our ideal place to settle down and have a family. We imagined having a white picket fence around the house just like in the movie, "The Big Fish".

But due to economic turmoil, we did not sustain paying the ammortization. Luckily, we were covered by Maceda Law and a portion of what we have paid would be refunded to us.

Below is the Maceda Law:

Rights of a Defaulting Buyer under RA 6552, Realty Installment Buyers
Protection Act (MACEDA LAW)
A.) Right to update payments without additional interest or in the alternative a
refund of cash surrender value.
There are two categories of buyers accorded protection under this law:
1. a buyer with at least 2 years of installments under Section 3 RA 6552, and
2. a buyer with less than 2 years of installments under Section 4 RA 6552.
I.) Buyer with at least two (2) years of installment – Section 3 RA 6552
If the buyer in this category defaults in the payment of his succeeding
installments, he is entitled to the following rights:
a. to pay without additional interest the unpaid installments due within the total
grace period earned by him. Said grace period is equal to one (1) month for
every year of installment payments he has made. Here the buyer has at least
two (2) months grace period for he should have paid at least two (2) years of
installments to avail of the rights under this section.
This right can be exercised by the buyer only once in every five years of the
life of the contract.
b. to be refunded of the cash surrender value of his payments equal to 50% of
his total payments if the contract is cancelled. But if he has paid five years
or more, he is entitled to an increase of 5% every year and so on but the cash
surrender value shall not exceed 90% of his total payments.
The actual cancellation of the contract referred to above shall take place only:
1. after 30 days from receipt by the buyer of the notice of cancellation or
demand for rescission, AND
2. upon full payment to the buyer of the cash surrender value.
In the computation of the total number of installment payments the following
are included:
1. down payment and
2. deposit or option money
Section 3 of RA 6552 provides, thus:
“SECTION 3. In all transactions or contracts, involving the sale or
financing of real estate on installment payments, including
residential condominium apartments … where the buyer has paid at
least two years of installments, the buyer is entitled to the following
rights in case he defaults in the payment of succeeding installments:
“(a) To pay, without additional interest, the unpaid installments due
within the total grace period earned by him, which is hereby fixed at
the rate of one month grace period for every one year of installment
payments made; provided, That this right shall be exercised by the
buyer only once in every five years of the life of the contract and its
extensions, if any.
“(b) if the contract is cancelled, the seller shall refund to the buyer the
cash surrender value of the payments on the property equivalent to
fifty per cent of the total payments made and, after five years of
installments, an additional five per cent every year but not to exceed
ninety per cent of the total payments made; provided, That the actual
cancellation of the contract shall take place after thirty days from
receipt by the buyer of the notice of cancellation or demand for
rescission of the contract by a notarial act and upon full payment of
the cash surrender value to the buyer.
“Down payments, deposits or options on the contract shall be
included in the computation of the total number of installment
payments made.”
II.) Buyer with less than 2 years of installments Section 4 RA 6552
If he has paid less than two (2) years of installments, he still has the right to
pay within a grace period of not less than sixty (60) days from the date the
installment became due.
If the buyer fails to pay the installment due at the expiration of the grace
period, i.e. 60 days, the seller may cancel the contract after 30 days from
receipt by the buyer of the notice of cancellation or demand for rescission of
the contract by a notarial act.
Here the buyer is not entitled to any refund.
Section 4 of RA 6552 provides, thus:
“SECTION 4. In case where less than two years of installments were
paid the seller shall give the buyer a grace period of not less than
sixty days from the date the installment become due. If the buyer
fails to pay the installments due at the expiration of the grace period,
the seller may cancel the contract after thirty days from receipt by
the buyer of the notice of cancellation or the demand for rescission
of the contract by a notarial act.”
B.) Right to Assign/Reinstate Contract – The buyer has a right to sell or assign his
rights over the lot or unit to another person or reinstate the contract by updating the
account provided this is done during the grace period and before actual cancellation
of the contract.
Section 5 of RA 6552 states:
“SECTION 5. Under Sections 3 and 4, the buyer shall have the right to
sell his rights or assign the same to another person or to reinstate the
contract by upgrading the account during the grace period and before
actual cancellation of the contract. The deed of sale or assignment
shall be done by notarial act.”
C.) Right to Advance Payment without Interest and Annotation of Full Payment in
the Title Subject of the Sale – The buyer has the right to pay in advance any
installments or the full unpaid balance without interest any time and have such full
payment annotated in the title.
Section 6 of RA 6552 states:
“SECTION 6. The buyer shall have the right to pay in advance any
installments or the full unpaid balance of the purchase price any time
without interest and to have such full payment of the purchase price
annotated in the certificate of title covering the property.”

Why do I blog?

Since I have a high-risk pregnancy for my second baby and I don't have work; I need to find ways to help my husband in making both ends meet. Here are the ways I can think of: sell goodies for Christmas, buy and sell other stuffs, do paid blogging, find online jobs.

So far, it was easy for me to start with the third option due to the availability of a computer and I do not need too much physical activity. I can also share some of my insights and my experiences as a mom. I was also inspired by Kumareng Ruthie (her blog is www.angelofthewaters.page.ph), Malen has her www.mychuvaness.com, and Daisy (I am not sure if she wants it to be mentioned) to do this. I have my right to call them as master bloggers.

I believe that it is a good start. I will also find other ways to keep myself busy.

What does Mother mean to you?

Mother - according to Mr. Merriam Webster, it is defined as:
Main Entry: 1moth·er
Pronunciation: \ˈmə-thər\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English moder, from Old English mōdor; akin to Old High German muoter mother, Latin mater, Greek mētēr, Sanskrit mātṛ
Date: before 12th century
1 a : a female parent b (1) : a woman in authority; specifically : the superior of a religious community of women (2) : an old or elderly woman

Mother, Mommy, Mom, Mama, Mamita, Mudra, Nanay, Inay, Inang, Mamasan - these are the few words I know for mother.

Let me define this word based on my experience and observation. A mother is someone who was very happy from the first time she saw the two bars on the pregnancy test kit... She is someone who has sacrificed her entire life for not wearing a two-piece bikini because of the stretch marks on her belly. She has called all of the saints and the name of your father when she let you have your first cry in the delivery room.(This did not happen to me.) She is the Darna of your life under the duster who always saves you from trouble and makes your day...in English version, she is Wonderwoman. At times, she will be the "kontrabida" or protagonist in your life when she sees that something is out of hand.

But seriously, a mother is simply the person who accepts you no matter what you become and whom you will be...she respects every inch of you and will love you without anything in return. I dedicate this to all the moms like me. May this blog help you in any way. Happy Reading!